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Forum:Kaoom (again)
The Kaoom are a generally peaceful race of noncorporeal beings who take residence in the Jolfur grid of the andromeda galaxy. Navy The Kaoom's navy is composed of15 starships 3000 fighters and 100 troop transports. And more starships are under construction. Their starships are roughly 1 km wide 2 km long and 1 km high and function as carriers and rarely battleships. Their fighters are around 5 feet long and 2 feet high with somewhat good shields. Their troop transports are 6 feet high 6 feet long and 6 feet wide. The troop transports have better shields than the fighters. Kaoom army They have a relatively medium amount of troops their army being made up of 5000000 Kaoom troopers. These troopers are rarely put into military use as most of them are sent to new worlds to scout possible locations for colony's. Alliances and enemy's The Kaoom have made 4 allies in their course of exploration only one spacefaring and have made one enemy that they have won against. One of their allies lives on a planet around a neutron star and have rigid exoskeletons,one are insectoid creatures that evolved in subterranean caves on their planet,Another are creatures that live on a moon orbiting a gas giant and due to large gravity there is made large irregular mountains on this planet,Another are amphibious reptilian's living on small islands in their largely oceanic planet. The reason they were enemy's with the other aliens because they attacked the Kaoom seeking to expand their vast empire. Due to the fact that they had so much territory and a relative small amount of ships. All planets were lightly defended so targeting key supply routes,the Kaoom choked their supply's and ceased construction of ships and slowly conquering more of the empire over the course of 10 years they conquered all of the empire. Domesticated species The Kaoom have domesticated three species so far. One amphibious species serve as companions,another species serve as transportation and another species which is used for both. Technology The Kaoom are spacefaring and have basic energy weapons. However their way of making glass is quite strange as they have a type of fruit on their planet which has transparent skin so they dry the skin and it makes it kinda like glass. The type of space transportation they use are hyperdrives. They mainly get their ship supplies from a neighboring planet in their solar system. Housing They originally made their homes in skeletons of large predators which they covered in leaves to shelter them from rain then moved them into groups to form community's. then as populations grew they made their houses out of metal and other materials. Reproduction What happens is one Kaoom's energy splits in two energy's and they place that energy into another armor. Government The Kaoom have single Community's of farmers each ran by a wise leader's. There were originally different sections governed by one Kaoom that were counseled by the leaders. Eventually they united into one government. Location in the universe The Kaoom live in the Andromeda galaxy in the band of jungle on their planet which is orbiting a white dwarf star. This star is in the farest part of the Jolfur part of the Andromeda galaxy. Battle tactics In ground based battles they prefer to swarm the enemy. In space battles they prefer to send fighters to destroy the engines while the starships do a frontal assault. Evolution The Kaoom were once quadruped herbivores on the planet Shar'Nal and eventually some of them evolved into carnivores with the abundance of prey on the planet. This new carnivore caused the herbivores to evolve defenses which in turn sparked an evolutionary Cold War with the herbivores coming out on top. This caused the carnivores to slowly grow their intelligence to the point of sentience and became omnivores in the process. The lack of unpoisonous creatures for prey caused the sentients to become herbivores and invent agriculture. Millions of years after they were visited by the Skojan who wanting to test out new genetic experiments,evolved the Kaoom to the point they didn't need organic form to survive. The energy they're made of is plasma. History (Pre being evolved beyond need for organic body) After the first Kaoom formed tribes one of them discovered fire. Being naturally curious these Kaoom started putting random things into the fire eventually they put metal in the fire and it melted then they went and set it down for the night the next day they discovered that it had dried so they told their allies about this and they quickly took control of the other tribes on the continent. Later they thought that maybe there mere other uses for the new material. After a bit of time they started to think that there was no other use for it but then they discovered that electricity could travel through it so they tested what would happen if they mixed them with the newfound technology. After a bit they discovered that certain things would glow if touched by electricity. After this they fully exploited the power of electricity and the industrial revolution had begun. The 2nd historical event that happened to the Kaoom was first contact with other sentient species on the planet. This was the the first concept of trade for the Kaoom as they traded their many exotic agricultural products for classes in many of this other sentient species sacred arts. A few hundred years later otherworldly beings arrived on their planet and the Kaoom learned of the workings of space travel by reading the minds of these aliens but didn't know where to get the materials and they thus repaired the alien spacecraft and flew to a nearby planet in their solar system and traded things from their planet for spacecraft material and begun construction on a massive fleet. History (Post being evolved beyond need for a organic body) After being evolved beyond need for a organic body they turned on the aliens and the aliens fled not wanting to have to reason with them. Later the Kaoom explored many solar systems beyond their own. Soon they were attacked by another spacefaring species who they were forced to fight with. A year later they won (with help from other sentients). Physiology and appearance Kaoom typically have diamond shaped heads large eyes and stand only 1.5 feet tall which allows them to have incredibly long lifespans of 530 to 550 years. After evolving themselves beyond need of organic form they were made of energy but the energy would slowly dissipate over a period of time so they made armors to house themselves and to manipulate the world around them better after doing so their armors kept the same basic shape ,diamond head ,1.5 feet tall etc. but lost all organics. The energy that makes them up is plasma. Comments If you don't mind me saying, you might need to improve on your grammar (eg, in the sentence: "What happens is one Kaoom's energy splits in two energy's" it should be "What happens in the process of the Kaoom's reproduction process is one Kaoom's energy is split into two energies.") if you want to get this pitch through. Also, a bit more detail might be in order. :) – (user page) (talk) 11:37, May 11, 2013 (UTC) I'm willing to give the greenlight for this on the condition that you remedy the following issues: 1. Shouldn't the Kaoom have domesticated way more than two species? It pales in comparison when you look at this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_domesticated_animals 2. I don't see much info on their use of metallurgy. It's essential for being able to build ships and explore space. How did their industrial revolution go about? 3. Since your planet orbits a white dwarf star, only a belt of twilight would be habitable, but you said they only live in a small patch of jungle. Shouldn't they have at least explored most, if not all of their planet, before considering space travel? Krayfish (talk) 00:07, May 15, 2013 (UTC) Fixed it. Interdimensional403 (talk) 21:12, May 19, 2013 (UTC)interdimensional403Interdimensional403 (talk) 21:12, May 19, 2013 (UTC) I'm still not totally fond on how few domesticated species there are, but at this point, it's just nitpicking. What you have right now is workable and you have my greenlight. Once someone else approves this pitch, I would advise following the new guidelines established in this blog to further develop them: User_blog:Krayfish/Project:_Mass_Extension Krayfish (talk) 21:17, May 19, 2013 (UTC) I still have issue with the military. We know nothing about their navy. At least, I assume it's a navy, since all that's said is that they have fifteen starships and 3,000 fighters. Are these carriers? Battleships? Why are all the ships of the same design? The troop transports also seem rather small. Do the Kaoom have an army of some kind? "How do you say it? Jagdpanther? Yagdpanther? I'll just call it Steve." - SupcommMonroee (talk) 03:43, May 20, 2013 (UTC) The troop transports are small because the Kaoom are small. Interdimensional403 (talk) 13:17, May 20, 2013 (UTC)interdimensional403Interdimensional403 (talk) 13:17, May 20, 2013 (UTC) Can you tell me a bit about their empire's "personality" so to speak? are they conquistadors (Attempting to conquer everyone)?, peaceful (Unless provoked)? Aggresive but non-mobile (Attack anyone who come near them, but don't go around conquering.)? Majoras revenge!!! (talk) 20:30, May 20, 2013 (UTC) "The 2nd historical event that happened to the Kaoom was first contact with other sentient species on the planet." So they hadn't come in contact wih any other species?!? How would they have stayed alive? no animals to hunt? No pollinators to make plants produce seeds? Majoras revenge!!! (talk) 20:44, May 20, 2013 (UTC) Majora, I think "sentient" and "sapient" have been mixed up here. As Inter talks about them trading, suggesting civilisation, which you need to be sapient for, not just sentient. Avetzan1 (talk) 21:04, May 20, 2013 (UTC) What's the difference??? Interdimensional403 (talk) 22:45, May 20, 2013 (UTC)interdimensional403Interdimensional403 (talk) 22:45, May 20, 2013 (UTC) "Sentient" means that a being can make rational thoughts like you or me, while "sapient" means that a being can just live out its life functions, like a animal or bacteria. -Oblivion26 Other way around Ob. Avetzan1 (talk) 23:32, May 20, 2013 (UTC) Both wrong. Sentient means self-aware, while sapient means using tools, hav=ing a government at at least tribal level, and having a language. Majoras revenge!!! (talk) 23:43, May 20, 2013 (UTC) Majora, thats totally wrong.... -Oblivion26 There's still a lot of missing detail in terms of the military. There's a lot we don't know. Tell us more about the ships and the soldiers. Why five million? How many Kaoom total are there? What kind of rank structure do they have? What does the military usually do? "How do you say it? Jagdpanther? Yagdpanther? I'll just call it Steve." - SupcommMonroee (talk) 00:56, May 21, 2013 (UTC) Not that you're wrong to look for detail, but nobody asked nearly this much info from me. I had just about zip on both military and culture fronts, and yet I was greenlighted quickly. There seems to be a bit of bias going on here. Or, if not bias, then major nit-picking.Piminy (talk) 01:19, May 21, 2013 (UTC) I agree with Piminy on this one. Content-wise, I affirm that this is a suitable amount of detail because it exceeds the length of the example pitch. The only thing that should be holding back this pitch is if there is a problem with a general idea, rather than a finer point. I do not see such problems, hence why I've given my vote to approve.Krayfish (talk) 02:04, May 21, 2013 (UTC) I'll give it approval. "How do you say it? Jagdpanther? Yagdpanther? I'll just call it Steve." - SupcommMonroee (talk) 02:24, May 21, 2013 (UTC) Conclusion Pitch has received approval.Krayfish (talk) 02:32, May 21, 2013 (UTC) Category:Approved pitches